9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
