just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
as a side note pls kill me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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