you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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