remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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