I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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