I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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