Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
