I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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