I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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