no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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