Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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