You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
