hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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