She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
