You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
