There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
