Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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