can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
