if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
