I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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