4 words: hood of his car
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
