my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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