Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
