C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
