kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
