Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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