Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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