When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
