I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
