apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
