It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
