I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
