This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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