I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
