Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
