Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
