I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
