She's JV to your varsity
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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