when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
