I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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