He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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