hell yes lets make some ravioli
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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