Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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