dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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