Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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