no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
