he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
