and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
