If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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