i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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