someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
