Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
