i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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