I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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