I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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