I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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