I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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