my phone needs a breathalizer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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